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A Bit of Fun

by Catherine Ellis (March 2003)

Q tempts Geordi into having a little fun at Picard's expense.

This story was written in response to a challenge. The mandatory elements were: Geordi, a Cardasian, chocolate sauce, a leprechaun, four leafed clover and a drunken woman in Picard's bed.


The computer's familiar voice read out the next question.

"Name the first five directors of the Daystrom Institute."

As Geordi began to answer Q appeared in a magician's puff of smoke.

"La Forge I despair. Can't you think of something more interesting than pointless quizzes?"

"I happen to like quizzes. What do you want Q? Captain Picard isn't here, I'm on my own."

"I know that. No it's you I came to visit. Ever since my spell as a human I get these uncontrollable urges to do something kind or helpful. Sickening isn't it."

"More like 'unbelievable'."

Q clutched his heart. "Oh Geordi, you wound me. And when I've come all this way just to entertain you."

"I don't need entertaining."

"I know, you're perfectly happy to spend hours alone in a shuttlecraft with nothing but music and quiz games. Good grief, even Picard would be more inventive. I can see a little instruction is in order."


With a click of Q's fingers Geordi found himself in Ten-Forward, or what looked like Ten-Forward. He grabbed hold of the bar while his visor tried to make sense of his surroundings. Everything looked bigger than usual and his view point was odd - he was standing behind the bar. Around him people were frozen in mid action, as if time had stopped. He looked down at his body and discovered he was dressed in a ridiculous green outfit.

"Q! What the hell's going on?"

"I've turned you into a leprechaun - a mischievous sprite. Guinan's fast asleep and you're in charge of the bar. Try enjoying yourself for a change."

Geordi looked round for inspiration.


Q let out a weary sigh. "Try creating a few sparks, stir things up a little. Even you must be able to spot a few flammable ingredients. There's Riker chatting up that nubile new ensign from biophysics. Troi's pretending to talk to Dr Crusher while she keeps her empathic powers trained on lover-boy. Crusher's pretending to listen to Troi while she keeps an eye on that female Cardasian liaison officer who's fawning over the Captain. Picard's pretending to be embarrassed but actually he loves all this female attention. Look! There's Lwaxana Troi propping up the bar and mopping because Jean-Luc isn't paying her any attention. What do these women see in him? You'd think he was some sort of pocket Adonis. Got any ideas yet Lieutenant?"

"Maybe ... but I don't know how to create a spark. Well not 'this' kind of spark."

With another click of Q's fingers a bunch of four-leafed clover appeared.

"Try this, give a leaf to a woman and she'll forget her inhibitions and pursue whatever she currently desires. If you can't enjoy yourself with that then I give up."

Q vanished, and the room returned to life. Nobody seemed surprised to see a leprechaun behind the bar. For a while Geordi just watched Picard and Riker, and tried to figure out why they were so attractive to women. Soon he spotted the Captain beckoning him over.

"Anything I can do for you captain or your lady friend?"

"Yes thank you, my guest here - Hurack - would like to try a wine from my family vineyard. I believe Guinan has a bottle of the '42."

"Right away Sir." The leprechaun bowed obsequiously. "And Madam may I welcome you to Ten-Forward with this four leafed clover."

Hurack examined the gift suspiciously before eating it.

As Geordi headed back to the bar he was hailed by Counsellor Troi.

"Bartender? What was that you gave our visitor?"

"Clover. Lucky four-leafed clover. Here please have one... and you doctor. It'll bring you anything you desire."

Crusher took the clover but didn't take her eyes off Captain Picard.

"Anything I can get you ladies?"

Deanna answered immediately. "Chocolate! Chocolate ice cream and lashings of chocolate sauce."

"And for you doctor?"

" .. er .. I don't care ... a drink ... anything you like."


Back at the bar Geordi told the waiter what to fetch and then positioned himself where he could observe the effect of the clover. The Cardasian didn't keep him waiting long. She got up, moved round the table and sat down next to Picard. Two seconds later the Captain's face turned pink, Geordi was sure she was stroking his thigh. Crusher was the next to react. Galvanised by her rival's audacity, she joined Picard and sat on his other side. Troi moved tables with her. The doctor fixed Hurack with an icy stare and made some request that forced the Cardasian to put her hands on the table. Even from the bar, Geordi could see Picard sigh with relief as the women raised their hands above the table.


When the drinks and ice cream were ready Geordi accompanied the waiter to the table to handle the serving himself.

"For you doctor." He placed a double brandy in front of Beverly.

Next he poured a small quantity of wine for the captain to taste. While this ritual went on Troi's eyes were fixed on the waiter standing behind Picard, and the contents of his tray.

"Now counsellor, how much chocolate sauce do you want on your ice cream?"

"All of it."

Deanna stood up and made a grab for the objects of her desire. Though she was out of range the waiter was startled and let go his tray. The ice cream bowl hit the Captain's shoulder and emptied its contents down his chest and onto his lap. Geordi caught the jug but not before the sauce had covered Picard's head. Jean-Luc sighed and took a mouthful of wine.

Before anyone else could move Hurack seized the moment. Ever since she had first seen the Captain an erotic fantasy had gripped her - to lick his head. Now with the sauce dripping down his ear the temptation was irresistible. She clasped Picard's head in her hands and dragged her tongue across his scalp.

"Hey! That's my food!"

Troi was round the table instantly, joining in the feast. Picard pushed his chair back to fend off the ravenous women but only opened the way for Beverly's intervention. Crusher wasn't interested in sauce, it was the ice cream she craved or rather what it was covering. Kneeling beside him she lowered her head and started to lick and suck the spillage from his groin.

"Oh God, help!" Jean-Luc's usual baritone turned falsetto. "Picard to transporter room 3, beam me to my quarters, immediately!"


In the safety of his own cabin Picard leant against the door, panting from the unnerving experience. All that licking had been invigorating and his body had responded. His uniform felt uncomfortably sticky and restricting. He started to strip, throwing the dirty clothing into a corner. As he discarded the final item the doors opened. He made a grab for the nearest large object - his book of Shakespeare's plays - and positioned it strategically before turning to confront the intruders.

Beverly, Troi and Hurack advanced towards him.

"We came to check how you were captain."

"There's still some chocolate sauce on your neck you must let me finish it."

"Those biceps! Those thighs! I must taste them!"

"That ice cream was very cold Jean-Luc, you could be suffering from frost bite. You must let me examine you."

Picard moved unsteadily backwards, desperately defending his modesty.

"Really I'm fine, I'm perfectly fine. I don't need any help."

Once through the bedroom doorway he stood his ground.

"Ladies, I think that's far enough."

From behind him came a sleepy yawn. As Jean-Luc spun round to see who was occupying his bed, the three women reached the door.



"What is that doing in your bed!"

Picard turned again. Given a choice between a drunken Betazoid matron and three beauties in full heat, the former seemed an easier to manage.

"If you'll excuse me Ladies, I have duties to perform."

The trio stood shocked and open mouthed, staring at his bed. However, the sight of a naked Mrs Troi soon cooled their ardour and they obediently left his quarters. Jean-Luc secured the room and instructed the computer to remove Crusher's emergency over-ride access.


His relief was short lived. The next instant a female hand fondled his bare buttocks. Lwaxana Troi wasn't half as drunk as he'd assumed.

"Jean-Luc you wonderful boy."


"Bravo! Bravo!"

Q froze the scene just as Picard dropped his book.

"Marvellous Geordi, marvellous. Giving a four-leafed clover to this praying mantis was a touch worthy of me."

La Forge walked slowly round the frozen characters a few times.

"You know the captain's backside isn't any better than mine."

"Would you like to swap places with him?"

"No fear. I can do without this kind of female attention. You know Q, I really have to thank you. This holodeck programme was far more 'educational' than a boring old quiz."

With a click of Q's fingers Geordi was returned to his shuttlecraft.

"Holodeck? Who said anything about holodecks? Can't be bothered with that fantasy stuff, give me reality any day. Byeeeee."

With that the omnipotent being vanished.

"Q! Q! You can't play with reality like that! You should have told me it was real. Q! Q! Come back here. Q!"

The end.
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